More and more attention is being brought to the fact that there are so many single black women in this country. Nightline tackled the issue in 2011 during a special titled “Nightline Face-Off”: Why Can’t a Successful Black Woman Find a Man?“ that consisted of a debate between successful black women and men about the issue. Current statistics show that about 70% of African American women are unmarried. I am not sure how accurate that number is but I do know that many more of my white friends are married than my black ones and often I wonder why. I myself am unmarried at the wonderful age of 41 and really have come to the conclusion that I might not ever get married. Some of my reasoning for this has to to with the fact that I am okay with being single. I have experienced and seen so many bad break ups and divorces to the point where I do not know if it is even worth it to me. I also know that letting someone As I continue to get older however, I also think about not wanting to grow old alone and how I would like the support from time to time, personally and financially.
One of the factors that I feel like contribute to the large number of unmarried African American women is the number of black men that date outside of their race. The majority of black women still prefer to be with a black man over any other race thus creating an imbalance. Recently Anderson Cooper talked about this very topic on his new talk show. Even though it is becoming more and more common, there is still a lot of debate over what is acceptable and to whom when it comes to interracial dating. There are many that still feel that this is not acceptable. As a black woman, I can understand this feeling. I am in no way a doubter of true love and I do not think there should be any color lines when it comes to it. Often times however, I do wonder what has turned the black man off from the black woman as it seems as though we are no longer their first choice in a mate.
This topic is something that has been on my mind for some time. Recently I have just simply asked black men that I know, come in contact with, family members, etc. why they made the decision to marry or date outside of their race. One of the things that the majority of men told me was they love and dated all different nationalities of women but they had the most difficulty getting along with black women. I was told that black women tend to have attitudes making relationships with us challenging. To that, I have this so say: If you are going to categorize us all in one group like that, black men, please know that we have the same morals and values. We were raised to be prepared for anything, to battle the same battles and fight the same fights. Therefore our strength is not something that should be devalued. It should be the reason why you are drawn to us…not the reason to run away. Understand that deep down inside, we want to be able to loosen the guard. We want to feel some relief from time to time and to have someone to support us. In order for that to happen however, you have to earn our trust and that is something that takes some time. Please be patient with us.
My black women, we are not totally off the hook here. Often times, in my opinion, we need to do a better job meeting men halfway. If we are wanting the strong black man, we also have to be willing to let them in. With women of all nationalities, it is very difficult to let someone in when you have been hurt before. It is a scary feeling to open your heart like that again. For those of us that are 40 and over, this is even harder. Especially if you have been single for a while. We are used to having to handle everything by ourselves and letting someone else into our lives and/or the lives of our children is not a simple task, not to even mention our hearts. Instead of being unwilling to compromise or open up a little, let’s carry ourselves with the dignity in knowing that if necessary, we can do it alone but having someone there for love and support, can sometimes carry us a lot further. A good friend of mine, with a successful marriage, gave me this simple piece of advice that I feel the need to pass on…”Sometimes you just have to let a man be a man.”
A black man for me has always been my choice in a mate and I do not foresee that changing anytime soon. I am also aware that I have issues with letting people in and am sometimes very afraid of it. Often times I make a conscious effort not to get too comfortable and attach myself to people that I know are not ready for commitment. It is just easier for me that way. I also am pretty sure however, that I have let one or two good men slip away from me because of my issues. Are you guilty of this? What are your thoughts on interracial dating?
~ Please remember that this blog is just my opinion and my experiences. I would love to hear your opinions on the topics I write about! Much love! ♥ ~
Image source: “colorfultimes” - great article on this subject there too!
